I just watched two movies
from Sirpa Lane, Finland's gift to the world of sexploitation and
70's B-movies, so here's my brief thoughts on them. I must say I'm
not really a fan of sexploitation movies, so pardon me if I don't
understand the “brilliance” of these two.
Well the camp values
surely are strong with this one. Hilarious costumes, funny cheap
special effects, some weird light sabre ripoffs, a half man half
horse with a big dildo between the legs and a computer robot monster
of some sort with some humanoid robot minions, just to name a few.
Add to that all the naked ladies of course, so the entertainment
values are high. But really even with all that it was rather boring
most of the time, that says a lot about the story of the movie and
the horrible pacing of it all. The story is some nonsense about
people on a space ship looking for some rare material called
Antallum, but everyone seems to be focusing on drinking in the bar
and having sex. Eventually they then visit a planet which is ruled by
some computer monster thing which controls people's minds turning the
whole place into one big orgy. I watched the Shameless release of
this movie which said it's the most complete “softcore” version
with some shots inserted from the hardcore version which contains
additional porn footage added to it. It was rather apparent where the
actual movie switched to the porn inserts as you can clearly see it's
different people having sex than before. And the weirdest part were
the “stunt tits” used in some scenes which didn't look anything
like the tits of Sirpa Lane which of course are already presented
very thoroughly. I mean for example a scene where she is laying on
the ground on a green background while a man rubs her tits cuts to
some other tits being rubbed with a blue background while the actress
is clearly standing and then cut back to the ground and rubbing the
actual tits. What the hell is the point of that? Now I did laugh
quite a lot watching this and wasn't bored at all but still I'd rate
this among the average of it's kind.
48%
Can't find a trailer for
this one.
Talk about a misleading
name, apart from two scenes which were borderline cannibalism, this
movie has absolutely nothing to do with cannibals. This is nothing
but the usual Joe D'Amato sexploitation romp. Well there is a slight
try for a statement as the movie is kind of anti nuclear energy, but
the focus is of course on the naked ladies and softcore sex. The idea
is that there's a nuclear plant being built on some exotic island and
the natives have a leader (Melissa Chimenti) who seemingly likes to
have sex with the scientists before her minions kill them. Amongst
all this is Sara (Sirpa Lane), whose purpose being on the island in
the first place is rather vague, except for having sex with everyone.
So yes, it's not a great plot and neither is the movie. Apart from a
few unintentionally funny scenes, the only thing I liked about the
movie was the score by Stelvio Cipriani, though that as well was
rather repetitive. Sexploitation fans might get something out of
this, but can't really recommend it to anyone else, It's not even bad
enough to be funny. I have to give some credit to the music and Sirpa
Lane who's always pleasing to the eyes.
23%
Apparently I can't link
the trailer here as it has an age limit on it, so search for it on
YouTube if you want to see it.
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