Saturday, January 19, 2013

Cruelest form of torture













I lost a bet last year and my "payment" was to watch a movie selected by my friend. As he knows I hate Adam Sandler, he chose this movie right here and yesterday was the day to pay. Well torture wouldn't even start to describe the uneasy feeling I had throughout this movie. Not only does Adam Sandler play himself, he also plays his sister and a freaking parrot to boost. So he's in pretty much every single shot of this movie. Never before has 90 minutes gone as agonizingly slow. This was supposed to be a comedy, but I think I smiled once and cried out of pain quite a few times. What I smiled at was a scene were this adopted Indian kid hits Sandler in the face, I didn't smile at it because of slapstick comedy what it was most likely intended to be, I liked it because I thought the kid tried to slap some sense into him. I could hear him saying “You seriously think it's funny to tape stuff in me? Fuck this shit!” That was the only small pleasure between the torture, I guess you could compare it to having a small twig stuck under your fingernail that is annoying you and then having a mad torturer slowly pulling your fingernails off one by one, eventually he will get the one with the twig also. You can judge yourself whether it's worth it or not.

The biggest question this movie rises is what the hell is Al Pacino doing in this one? Why is he so desperately trying to destroy his career by taking part of something as bad as this? All I can think of is for the money. And speaking of the money, what I found most shocking was that this movie cost 79 million and it almost made it back. More entertaining movie would have been to pile up all the cash, put a picture of Adam Sandler, or just the guy himself to be honest, on top of it and light it up in fire. I'd pay to see that. However, there's something good about this movie as well, it made me think about my rating system. I have given six 0's in the past and I would rather watch any of those movies than to suffer this one again. Well except maybe for Blooded(2011) which would have to take a long and incredibly tough fight with this one to find out which was really the worst movie of 2011. And to be honest I couldn't care less, I'd be happy to share that title with both of them. As Al Pacino says at the end "Burn this. This must never be seen by anyone!" I agree with him. The movie makes us believe he was talking about his commercial, but I think he actually saw the finished movie and was commenting on that. At least I seriously hope so.
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