Monday, January 7, 2013

Even Leatherface needs a soulmate













Attention all bad filmmakers of the world! You can relax now, no need to try any harder, the worst movie of the year is already here. And it's one fucking week into the year! I surely hope this is not an indication about the quality of this years films. Can't be arsed to go into it more than briefly so I'll just list some observations I made. The only reason they made this movie was because someone thought chainsaws look cool in 3D. The timeline is messed beyond belief, not to even mention that this movie ignores all the other parts in the series, or then this Heather is the youngest looking 40 year old I've ever seen. Down in Texas it doesn't matter if a few city folks get chopped into bits as long as it's eye for an eye as the good book says so, trust the sheriff and the mayor they know it best. Someone who has lived 20 (or 40 if you follow the timeline) years thinking she's someone else will of course turn into a homicidal maniac in a day, just because it's family and blood is thicker than water or something like that. Oh and don't you pick on Leatherface for killing all the people, all the poor boy needs is another caretaker. This movie just stinks beyond belief. The title sequence at the start made from the clips of the original looked very promising, but too bad that was the only drop of hope in this ocean of shit. I guess I should get my head examined or something as I really don't know why I keep doing this, again I knew before the movie that it simply can't be good and yet I paid almost 13 euros for this piece of garbage. I guess I hoped it might surprise me, well that it actually did, but too bad the surprise was that someone can actually make such a crappy film and get a worldwide release for it.
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I usually go through the other parts of the series as well, but since I haven't seen most of them in a long while and not exactly up for watching them again. Maybe I'll revisit them eventually and they'll end up here, but for now I'll just toss my feelings of them here quickly. The original TheTexas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) is a classic well worth watching and one of the better horror movies of it's kind. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986) took it a bit over the top with comedy, but I remember this being quite an entertaining movie. Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990) took the comedy out again, but wasn't exactly a great movie. TexasChainsaw Massacre The Next Generation (1994) was a horrid piece of crap and all copies of this film in any format should be burned for the good of public health. The Texas ChainsawMassacre (2003) was a surprisingly good remake. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: TheBeginning (2006) was quite a weak attempt to create an origin story for it all.

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